Pimpgelion
by Noca
Summary: Gendo is a PIMPmaster and tries to let go of his hot feelings for Adam's embryo while trying to capture Asuka and Shinji...for his dirty, yes dirty deeds...mwahaha. Oh my God! WHAT IS SHINJI DOING WITH THE COUCH?


**Pimpgelion**

* * *

The stench of boiling, mild-flavor coffee was in the air as Misato applied her transparent glossy lipstick and prepared for work. Toast was pooping out from the flared nostril cranberry sauce that leaps every afternoon to make cheese. Amongst the living, breathing things of poetic sounds and ramblings sat her two kiddies. She was combing her hair and adding lavender perfume to her neck as she told Asuka and Shinji she was going away for a while. It wasn't the first time; at least not the first time she actually wasn't leaving for work. Oh, yeah. 

An eyelash fell on her smooth skin and she wiped it away with pink manicured nails. A green pimp hat blurred across the window with what looked like a careful whip from the intricate markings on the father of all cloaks. Misato's nails weren't dry yet, so she didn't give a crap about the mysterious mister huddled out side the door (speaking in the language of the bible to the gray lifeless embryo that stared back at him). She smiled in the mirror at herself, because she was hot ticket with a capital "h". She took a clean moist cloth and massaged her face with it, careful not to disturb her CG makeup that was perfectly melded into her skin. The man outside softly cooned to his buddy on his hand, the thing replied back with a content squeak and a wink. They were to elope, but not that soon, as he had a couple more jollies he wanted to take care of. It costed a fortune, but it was always worth it, even if he ran his bank account dry.

Misato made wrinkles in her perfectly ironed dress as she walked to the living room to meet Shinji and Asuka. Buckets of flem poured out from the squishy thing in the middle of the room, was it a yawn of discontent I heard? Hey, those purple clouds look mighty fine. A bee's shell cracked open and scattered, but no one was whining'.

Misato smiled. She thought that her hard work had paid off on Asuka.

Shinji was sitting absentmindedly on the couch, in his arms was another green pillow. His feet were on the couch, which was something Misato was against, but she let it go. Green light shown on his face, a reflection of what was on the TV. It was 'some outdated children's show', as Asuka called it. Neither was making a fuss, which was nice.

Outside, Gendo stroked the Adam embryo, saying "OH MY GOD! Yes, I knew it would come, Hubert. But Hubert, it isn't fair that you want me to join every little stupid thing that you find. Why don't you fuck of? I will sick you with my 1st degree black belt if you don't quite sending me these harassing letters. Oh, gotta go because I need to crap in my purple can of cherries this morning" But the idea was dismissed and he quieted down and waited patiently for the right moment.

Inside, Misato had some complications of her own. "Shinji, Asuka, I'll be going to a...a..." admonished Misato (she wasn't that grand at making lies). "Oh yes, and please behave! I know you will!" She was actually fooling herself by saying that, but who gave a shit? The ambivalence will kill you.

It would start a fight something similar to this (really unnecessary, I know):

Naruto starts with a monologue about being the Hokage and nothing can stop him because he can kick major ass.

Shinji:"wtf?"

Gendo (when he was still sane):" do it Shinji, kill him"

Naruto makes a thousand shadow clones and starts up with a deranged battle cry.

Eva unit 01 launches his arm into the crowd and grabs Naruto.

Naruto exclaims, "Awwwwwww crap"

Eva 01 does a classical "bite of the head move"

Asuka sat on the table in her pimpin atti-yah, with her laptop on the lap of her short short skirt. "Say Shinji mah homie g," she said in her sexay pimpin voice that had attracted many a pimpin sugah dadday. "Check out mah orgasmic keyboard." Shinji looked up from his porno mag and grunted.

"You mean 'ergonomic keyboard', fo sho."

"What-EVER!" Asuka did the hand thing.

"No! You have to go like this, dawg! What-EVAH!" Shinji did the hand thing back.

"I said that, shizzle mah rizzle nizzle! What-EVER!" Asuka did the hand thing once more. But by now Shinji was bored (who says marijuana twice daily doesn't cause ADD?) and went back to his porno mag. "Ohh it's Dixie Norris again... in the centerfold...man, is he hot...wait. Is he a he or a she...?"

"STOP BOTHERIN ME DAWWG I'M SMASHIN DEM COCK-ROACHES DAMMIT! DON'T BE HATIN THE PLAYA HATE THE GAME!" Asuka bitch-slapped him across the room true-ghetto style. Oh yeah."Cockroaches..." she drooled to herself, blushing as she stared at her pimpily pimpin screen. Shinji crawled along the floor to retrieve his crumpled centerfold picture, then retreated again, where he remained rubbing himself against the wall for hours. Suddenly an old man with glasses and a pimpin feather leaptthrough the window doggy-style. Leprechauns do this too. Is he a leprechaun?

"PIZZAZ!", said he. Gendo forced out his abdomen and did the love sign language sign with his hands. He looked like a gay spiderman, only gay, and spider, and man.

"Did someone say...GAME?" He pulled out a SHINY and spazay whip. Within seconds he had also pulled out...another feather! "I am Gendou, the king of games!"( duel monster music playing in the backound)I guess he's not a leprechaun. He gestured to Asuka. "Now you undress or rub against that boy over there, while I whip you and pleasure myself." Asuka punched him.

My pimp pals "Wazzup, pizzaz ooh look! a grapefruit!wait, are grapefruits crunchy?AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" says Gendo with a cry. It's being taken over! The world is being attacked by barubees!

"I DON'T UNDRESS FO PEOPLEZ FO NUTTIN, NIZZLE!" She smiled at him seductively "...although I might offer you a bargain today..." But Gendou had his eye on Shinji now, and they humped the couch in harmony. Asuka, jealous at losing yet another potential customer to the clutches of that man-loving Shinji, grabbed Gendou's SHINY spazy, don't you forget spazay whipand stuffed it up where the sun don't shine. And he jumped out of the window, convulsing on da pimpin streets o' NEW YORK CITAAY!

"What do we do with him now?" Asuka asked, staring at the spasming corpse. Shinji was still trembling from his...experience, but he managed a reply.

"We crap on him."

Cause it's da pimpin way, fo sho.

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This was so very random, and inspired by both me and understar-sama, fa sho, yo, okay whatever, I hate the ghetto lingo. Have a nice day! 


End file.
